The Weirdest Mission Ever
by BubblyShell22
Summary: Shredder recruits the Turtles, Splinter, April, and some of his own henchmen to fulfill a mission only they can carry out for him. Will they fulfill said mission, or will disaster strike at every turn?
1. Chapter 1

The Weirdest Mission Ever

Chapter 1: Assembling the Teams

A/N: This is an idea I've had for a long time so I've decided to post it now. This story is a tribute story in honor of one of my favorite authors known as Alkaholik or Al's OTHER Account. He has a really awesome series called Grapefruits: The Adventure, and after I read them, I had the idea to do something similar but with the TMNT instead. So I asked his permission, and he said that he'd be honored to have me do something like that. And so, this story was born. I hope that you all enjoy what I have in store for this little story, and I will warn you that it's going to be a very humorous adventure for sure. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon. Any other characters who make an appearance in this story are property of their respective owners. I only own the plot of this story and nothing more.

Summary: Shredder recruits the Turtles, Splinter, April, and some of his own henchmen to fulfill a mission only they can carry out for him. Will they fulfill said mission, or will disaster strike at every turn?

Shredder paced his throne room. What was taking them so long? They should have been back by now. He turned as the door opened and in filed everyone he had asked to meet him here. Yes, this was going to be the best idea ever, and he was surprised that he hadn't thought of it before.

"We are here, Master," Bradford said. "What did you want us for, and why did you bring your most hated enemies here as well?"

"I brought them because they will help me with this mission that I want all of you to carry out," Shredder replied.

"So this will be your servants against your enemies?" Xever asked him.

"Not quite," Shredder answered. "I am going to pair you up into teams and after I do so, then I will explain my mission." His eyes roved over everyone who was assembled before landing on Leonardo. "I suppose Leonardo should go first."

"Dibs on Karai!" Leo called out.

Shredder laughed. "Oh, you foolish Turtle, did you really think I would pair you up with Karai, the object of your constant deranged sexual fantasies?"

"I don't have sexual fantasies about her!" Leo protested. "Besides, she's my sister so that would be a moot point."

"Uh, bro, you do have fantasies about her," Raph said. "Don't deny it."

"Shut up, Raph!" Leo snapped.

"Enough!" roared Shredder, causing the room to shake. "Leonardo, you will be paired with my most trusted Foot Ninja. Bob, come forward."

A human Foot Ninja, who was one of the few remaining human Foot Ninjas since Shredder had replaced them with Foot Bots, rushed forward, eager to do his master's bidding. He wasn't sure why he had to be paired with this Turtle, but if it meant Shredder would reward him, then he was all for that.

"Are you kidding me?" Leo grumbled. "I have to get stuck with him?"

"Yes, you do. Now quit whining while I give out the other assignments. Xever, you will be paired with Raphael."

Xever, also known as Fishface to the Turtles, looked at the red-clad Turtle and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it could be worse," he said to himself.

Raph wasn't too thrilled about it, but he knew if he voiced any complaint, Shredder would just laugh at him.

"Stockman, you will be paired with Donatello," Shredder declared.

"But I wanted to be paired with April!" Don whined.

"Too bad, Turtle," Shredder snarled. "I am not going to have to worry about you constantly attempting to get in her pants as that's the last thing I want. Bradford, you will be paired with Michelangelo."

Mikey sighed. "Aw, man, I get to be stuck with Rahzar?" he moaned. "That is so not cool."

"I don't like it either, but we'll have to deal with it," Bradford replied.

"Karai, you will be paired with April, and Tiger Claw, you will be paired with Splinter."

Karai and April glared at each other, while Tiger Claw hissed at Splinter. Neither of them were happy with these assignments and wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"And now for the mission," Shredder said. "I have run out of sake, and so I am enlisting you to go and fetch it for me at a place called Dong Woo's Best Sake and Book Shop. I will also need some reading material as I like to read while getting drunk, so you will be enlisted to help me find a specific book entitled How to Score the Best Chicks. As you know, thanks to Hamato Yoshi, I lost the love of my life and am a lonely man, so I need something to try and find another love of my life. The first team to get this to me will receive a handsome reward."

"And what reward is that, Master?" Fishface asked.

"You will find out once you have obtained the objects," Shredder answered. "The store is located in San Diego, so you must go there to obtain the items. Luckily, they are having some silly event called Comic Con, so you should be able to fit in well down there and no one will think the worst of you. Now let me show you to the garage where I have your transportation."

"We could always take the Shellraiser," Don volunteered.

"I thought the Kraang destroyed that thing," Shredder reminded him.

"I built a new one," Don retorted.

"No, you will be using my cars and that is final," Shredder decreed. He led them to the garage and pointed out which cars would be for which team.

Leonardo and Foot Ninja Bob were assigned to a car that was shaped like a katana. Bob pushed the remote and the handle of the sword parted to reveal a driver's seat, a passenger seat, and one backseat suitable for three people. Bob wanted to drive, so Leo let him since he didn't feel like having an argument over it.

Raph and Fishface were assigned a car that was shaped like a fishbowl. Fishface wasn't too happy about that, but there wasn't much he could do, so he opened the top of the bowl and decided he was going to drive. Raph didn't object because he wasn't in the mood to pick a fight with Fishface and get bitten again. That was all he needed was to be poisoned with no antidote.

Don and Stockman were given a car that was shaped like a beaker, which satisfied the two scientists. Stockman wanted to drive, and agreed that he would switch off with Don if he got too tired. Don agreed because he didn't want Stockman tattling on him to Shredder and getting punished for it.

Mikey and Bradford received a car that was shaped like a dog bone. Mikey thought it was funny, but Bradford was seething. Was this the best Shredder could do? He opened the car and immediately claimed the driver's side before Mikey could do so. Mikey pouted but got in and waited for further instructions.

April and Karai were given a car that was shaped like a shuriken. Karai wasn't happy because she had been hoping for a Mercedes or something even better.

"I'm so glad Shredder's not my dad because he sucks at it," Karai muttered.

"Oh, shut up and get in," April grumbled, not looking forward to having to deal with Karai the whole trip.

Karai took the driver's side, leaving April to get into the passenger seat.

Splinter and Tiger Claw were given a car that was shaped like a bowl of milk. Tiger Claw immediately took the driver's side and Splinter grudgingly got into the passenger's side. He wasn't happy about this arrangement and also hoped that his sons would be safe during their trip as well.

Shredder smiled as he saw all of the teams in their cars. "I want to wish you all a safe trip as you obtain the items I have requested," he said. "Let the mission begin!"

The cars were started, and they headed out of Shredder's garage to begin the mission. But what they didn't know was that this mission was going to be very weird and full of adventure along the way. The only thing keeping their heads in the game was the thought of the prize Shredder was going to give them.

A/N: So that's the end of the first chapter. I hope you liked it. I want to warn you that this story is going to be full of laughs and a lot of weird stuff along the way, so be on the lookout for that. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Hitchhiker's Guide to Weirdness

A/N: And now here's the second chapter of this humorous tale. What will happen when our teams meet some hitchhikers along the way? Thanks to those who have read and reviewed thus far. It means a lot to me that you like where this is going.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon. All other characters who are making an appearance in this story are the properties of their respective owners. I only own the plot of the story and nothing more.

Leo and Bob were making good time, but they weren't very far ahead of the others. Leo had a strategy to lose them, but Bob didn't want to take it yet because he felt he had a better idea.

"I'm telling you that this plan will work," Leo insisted.

"No plan of yours will ever work," Bob retorted. "You are a poor leader who doesn't stand a chance against the Foot as evidenced when we attacked you."

"And I recovered from that attack as you can see," Leo countered.

"Yes, but it took you all of three months and even more to get the balls to come back to New York," Bob reminded him. "That shows that you are weak."

Leo growled and really wished he had his cane so he could beat the shit out of Bob with it. He turned away from his adversary and looked out the window, hoping that maybe the view would distract him. Then he spotted someone alongside the road, sticking his thumb out.

"Bob, stop the car!" Leo commanded. "That guy looks like he wants a ride."

Bob pulled over and the person came over to their car.

"Hey, you actually stopped for me," he said. "Can I get a ride?"

"Yeah, hop on in," Leo offered.

"Thanks," he said and immediately hopped into the backseat. "This car is cool. Where did you get it?"

"My Master Shredder loaned it to us," Bob replied. "What is your name?"

"I'm Chris Griffin," their passenger replied.

"Nice to meet you, Chris," Leo said. "I'm Leonardo, but you can call me Leo for short. This is Bob."

"Nice to meet you both," Chris said.

"So why are you in New York?" Leo asked him.

"I don't know," Chris answered. "I was in my room when an Evil Monkey appeared in my closet. I didn't want him there, so I chased him away, but I ended up here."

"Did he come here, too?" Leo asked.

"I don't know. I didn't see him, but that doesn't mean he's not here. Do you think you could take me home?"

"We don't have time for this," Bob said. "We're on an important mission. We'll take you home after we've completed it."

"Yeah, we're kind of in a race here," Leo added.

"I like races," Chris said. "I was once in a race with my sister, Meg, but we lost. I really wanted to win, too. Do we get a prize if we win it?"

"Yes, but we don't know what that prize is," Bob replied. "Now let's get going before we lose any time."

And so they continued driving to get to their destination.

22222

Raph and Fishface were happy when Leo and Bob got sidetracked. Fishface drove around them as they were talking to some weird person and sped up. This was a perfect way to beat them. Not long after, they spotted someone wandering around at the side of the road.

"What the hell is he doing?" Raph asked. "He's gonna get himself killed. Xever, you better pull over."

"But we'll waste time if we do that!" Fishface protested.

"I know, but we can't let him get hit by a car. Just do it."

Fishface did as Raph asked, and the small man hurried over to them. Raph opened the door and let him get into the backseat.

"Hey, are you okay?" Raph asked him.

"I've been better," the small man said in a funny accent.

"What is your name?" Fishface asked him.

"The name's Samwise Gamgee," the small man said. "I'm a hobbit in case you didn't know. And who might you two be?"

"I'm Raphael, but you can call me Raph for short, and this is Xever. My brother named him Fishface though after he got mutated."

"But who are you? I mean, you don't look like a hobbit to me. Are you cousins of the Orcs?"

"No, I'm a mutant turtle and he's a mutant fish," Raph answered.

"Ah, a very funny species indeed," Sam said.

"So why are you out here anyway?" Raph asked him.

"Well, it all started when I was on this quest with Mr. Frodo," Sam began. "He had this ring on him and I was supposed to stay with him. Things were going on fine until Mr. Frodo got into one of his bad moods and started in on me when I was talkin' about missin' my girl Rosie. Mr. Frodo said that Rosie wasn't no good to me and that she was probably shackin' up with other hobbits while I'm gone. Well, I didn't take too kindly to that and got mad and told Mr. Frodo to shut his damn mouth. He told me he didn't have to shut his mouth and that the reason Rosie was probably shackin' up with other hobbits is because I'm horrible in the sack. So, I got mad and punched him right in the face, and he came right back at me. The fight was on then and the next thing I knew, I was here in this city. I don't know if it had to do with that damn ring of his or what, but now I'm stuck here with no way to get back to Mr. Frodo."

"Why would you want to get back to him anyway?" Raph asked. "He sounds like a jerk to me."

"No, Mr. Frodo is usually a gentle soul most of the time," Sam told him. "It's just that ring that's got him so riled up. And now I'm afraid because I promised Gandalf I'd stay with him and now I've broken my word. Gandalf is gonna have me arse for this one."

"Don't worry about it," Raph reassured him. "We'll try and get you back there after we complete our mission."

"Or maybe we could just throw him out right here and now," Fishface declared.

Raph glared at him. "We're not throwin' him out. He stays here. Now shut up and drive before I whack you with my fist."

Fishface stuck his tongue out at Raph but did as the Turtle asked. Sam began to sob and repeatedly muttered, "Gandalf's gonna have me arse." Raph patted Sam's shoulder and hoped that it would bring him some comfort.

22222

Don and Stockman raced ahead and were pleased to see that Raph and Fishface were also sidetracked. Stockman kept muttering calculations under his breath while Don stared out the window and daydreamed of what it would be like if he'd been in the car with April instead of Stockman. He ruminated on the awesome dream he'd had last night where April poured her heart out to him and declared that she wanted to marry him someday. Granted, it probably wouldn't happen, but Don didn't really care. As he looked out the window for a glimpse of April and Karai's car, he spotted someone sticking their thumb out on the side of the road. Don did a double take as it looked very familiar to him.

"Speckman, pull over," Don ordered. "I think that guy wants to hitch a ride."

"It's Stockman, you idiot," Stockman grumbled but did as he was told.

As the figure made his way to the car, Don was astonished. He looked a lot like his own brother with some noticeable differences.

"It's about time someone pulled over," the Turtle who resembled Raph grumbled. "I've been out here for hours."

"Do you need a lift?" Don asked him.

"Well, obviously I do or else I wouldn't have been at the side of the road for hours," he countered. "Boy, for someone who looks like Donatello, you can be pretty dense."

"Well for someone who looks like Raphael, you're an asshole," Don retorted. "Wait, my Raph's an asshole, too. Now I can see the resemblance."

Raphael chose not to respond to that and got into the backseat. "So who's this guy?" he asked, pointing to Stockman.

"I'm Baxter Stockman," Stockman replied.

"I thought you looked familiar," Raphael said. "But you do look different from my Stockman."

"So why are you here anyway?" Don asked him.

"It's all because of Donatello's new portal he invented. None of the others wanted to try it out, so I got to volunteer. I stepped through and the next thing I know, I'm in a different New York than the one I know. But since you're Donatello in this world, you can figure out a way to get me home, right?"

"Well, I can try," Don replied. "But first we have an important mission to fulfill. Once we get that done, I'll do my best to get you home."

"I guess that'll have to do," Raphael grumbled.

"I can't believe I'm in the car with two freaks," Stockman grumbled. "Shredder owes me big time."

"Hey, who are you callin' a freak, Bug Man?" Raphael retorted.

"Both of you just stop it," Don commanded. "Let's just continue our mission and get it over with."

Stockman grumbled something but continued driving. This was definitely going to be a long drive.

22222

Mikey and Bradford saw Don and Stockman stop to help someone.

"Rad Brad, go around them!" Mikey ordered. "We can lose them."

Bradford did as Mikey asked and they sped up and passed the other two.

"Aw, yeah, we're awesome!" Mikey said. He went in for a high three/high five, but Bradford didn't return it. "Dude, you're supposed to smack my hand."

"I don't do that stuff," Bradford grumbled. "It's bad enough I got stuck with you on this mission. So just sit back and let me do the driving."

Mikey pouted and looked out the window. Then he saw someone waving him down and asked Bradford to stop. Bradford did so, and the green person came over to them.

"Oh, man, I'm so glad you stopped for me," the green man said. "Can I ride with you?"

"Sure, dude, hop in," Mikey said and let him come inside. "What's your name?"

"I'm Beast Boy," he replied. "Who are you?"

"I'm Michelangelo but you can call me Mikey for short, and this is Chris Bradford also known as Rad Brad or Rahzar. I named him those 'cause I'm awesome at namin' stuff."

"Cool," Beast Boy said. "I can change into different things."

"Seriously? You so have to show me."

Beast Boy smiled and changed into a bird, a frog, and even a turtle.

Mikey smiled. "We're twinsies!" he yelled out. "We could be from the same family."

"Hell yeah!" Beast Boy said and offered Mikey his hand for a high three/ high five, which Mikey immediately took.

"Ugh, I can't believe I got stuck with these two," Bradford grumbled.

"Hey, Mikey, you know what would be really good right now? Some snacks."

"Aw, yeah, I was just thinkin' of that. Hey, Rad Brad, let's stop off at Murakami's. I'm jonesing for some pizza gyoza."

"What's that?" Beast Boy asked.

"Oh, it's the greatest stuff in the world," Mikey said. "You'll love it, dude."

Bradford groaned but did as Mikey asked. Mikey went into the noodle shop and asked Murakami for some pizza gyoza and some miso soup for Bradford. Murakami did as Mikey asked while Mikey chattered on about Beast Boy and the mission they had to complete. Once the order was ready, Mikey ran outside and got back into the car. He gave a pizza gyoza to Beast Boy who happily ate it.

"Oh, man, this is awesome!" Beast Boy said. "I may have to see if they have this in Jump City."

"Yeah, it's the best," Mikey agreed. "So why are you here anyway?"

"Well, me and the other Teen Titans were fighting The Hive when Gizmo shot me with this ray gun of his, and I disappeared and ended up here. It's kind of weird. I don't know how to get home, so I'm just stuck here I guess."

"Maybe after our mission's over, I can convince Donnie to help send you home," Mikey said. "He's a genius at doin' stuff like that."

"That would be cool," Beast Boy said. "But for now, I think I'll just stick with you guys."

"I'm down with that," Mikey said and proceeded to chatter on about some of the adventures he and his brothers have gone on. Bradford groaned and continued driving, praying to his ancestors that this mission would soon be completed.

22222

April and Karai saw Mikey and Bradford stop to help someone, causing them to gain a lead on them. Karai was a good driver, but she did have the tendency to have a bit of road rage issues at times. April was going to point this out when something hit their windshield, causing Karai to pull over.

"What was that?" Karai asked.

"I don't know, but I'll take a look," April said. She got out of the car and saw that a fairy was plastered to the windshield. She had blonde hair and was wearing a green outfit.

"Are you okay?" April asked her.

The fairy unstuck herself from the windshield and turned to April. "I'm fine now," she answered. "Boy, was that a bad landing."

"Yeah, I guess so," April said. "What's your name?"

"Tinkerbell," the fairy replied. "What's yours?"

"I'm April and the one driving is Karai," April answered.

"I can sense that you have a very interesting mind. Maybe that's why you can understand me and can see me, which is weird. Most teenagers can't see fairies anymore because they stop believing."

"Well, I never really gave up my belief in fairies," April said. "I mean, I do have mutant turtles as friends, too."

"Then that's a good thing," Tink said.

"Do you want to ride with us?" April offered.

"Sure, I've never ridden in a car before," Tink said and followed April into the car where she settled herself on the backseat.

"What the hell is that bug doing in our car?" Karai demanded.

"I'm a fairy, not a bug," Tink retorted, but all Karai heard was tinkling instead of words.

"What is she saying?" Karai asked April.

"She said she's a fairy and not a bug," April answered. "You can't understand her?"

"No, all I hear is tinkling," Karai responded.

"That must be because you're a bitter bitch who hates the world and only the truly good can understand fairies," April surmised.

I'm not bitter about anything!" Karai retorted. "Let's just get this show on the road."

"So how did you get here anyway?" April asked Tink.

"I was assigned here to help a little girl, but on my way there, I got sidetracked and ran into your car. What is it shaped like?"

"A shuriken," April said. "It's a ninja weapon."

"Oh that's interesting," Tink said.

Karai huffed as the two began to chatter. Why did she have to be stuck with them all this time? She made plans to ditch the fairy the first chance she got but continued on, knowing that it would have to be at a perfect time.

22222

Splinter and Tiger Claw raced ahead after Karai and April stopped. Tiger Claw was a good driver himself, though Splinter wished he could drive. Tiger Claw was talking about how much he owed Shredder for his life and how awesome Shredder was to him, which made Splinter angry. Couldn't Tiger Claw see that Shredder was using him and would probably end up betraying him? The ninja master sighed and looked out the window. He saw a man sticking his thumb out and implored Tiger Claw to pull over.

The man came over to them and bowed. "Thank you for stopping," he said. "I appreciate it." He got into the backseat and smiled at his new companions.

"What is your name?" Splinter asked him.

"I am Funaki, SmackDown's number one announcer," the man replied. "I was on a mission for Mr. Vince McMahon when I was stranded here by my partner Brock Lesnar."

"You may stay with us if you would like to," Splinter offered.

"But he will be wasting our time," Tiger Claw protested. "We are on an important mission."

"He can come with us until we finish it and then we can get him back to his friend," Splinter countered. "It would not be honorable to leave him where he is. My name is Splinter and this is Tiger Claw."

"Nice to meet you both," Funaki said. "I used to work for WWE and wanted to get my job back, so Vince McMahon offered me this chance to come back, but now I have failed him."

"Perhaps if you help us with our mission, we can give you a good word with Vince," Splinter told him.

Funaki's eyes lit up. "Oh, I would rike that very much. Thank you, Splinter-san."

Tiger Claw rolled his eyes but continued driving. The sooner they got this mission over with, the better.

A/N: So that's the end of another chapter. I couldn't think of anyone else to travel with Splinter and Tiger Claw, so I used Funaki from WWE because it sounded like a good idea. So now that they have some passengers, how will their mission be fulfilled? Stay tuned for the next chapter. Please feel free to review and have a shelltastic day.


End file.
